Akatsuki Games
by hyper-writer14
Summary: Two girls kidnapped by the Akatsuki. WHATEVER FOR? "You DARE to call yourselves VILLAINS what with all this tomfoolery and romping about? Are you MAD?"
1. Fangirly Screams

**AKenzie: Rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr. Hellooooooooooo, everybody! Welcome to my fanfiction, nya! I'm sure you're wondering 'Why on earth does Kenzie have an 'A' in front of it, nya?' And if not… well then, nya. Anyway, the 'A' stands for author, so you can tell the difference between my bracket thoughts, which is just 'K:', or 'Ke:', nya. Anyway, I really hope you like my story, nya! I worked hard on it, nya! And it may take a chapter or two, but the action and main story will come about, nya. Maybe you've also noticed I say 'nya' at the end of my sentences, nya. When I talk I actually say 'yeah' at the end of my sentences, and I've done this since before I've ever read Naruto, but people still say I copy Deidara-chan, so I just use 'nya' when I type, nya. And only I, the author, will say 'nya', nya. I'd also like to introduce you to my co-author, AJenna, nya. She's a co-author because she writes her chapters, nya. And… you'll understand what I mean in a couple chapters, nya. Well, toodles, and please read, review and enjoy, nya!**

It was just a regular Friday night. Anime night. Of course, this meant _Naruto_. This also meant Mackenzie's constant rolling of her eyes at her friend Jenna, who seemed to squeal at every guy.

"Aahh! Gaara! He's so hot!" The dark haired girl screamed. Cue the eye rolling.

"Eeee! Naruto! I love him!" Jenna squealed as the blonde haired girl covered her ears.

"AAAHHH! KIBA, MY LOVE!" Jenna ran to the TV and hugged it, almost desperately.

"Stop hugging the TV! And don't you dare kiss that screen! DON'T YOU DARE!" Mackenzie yelled at her. Jenna let go of the screen and took a step back, staring at the image on the screen very intently.

"Jenna? Jenna. Get back on this couch, I-" Mackenzie was interrupted by said screaming fangirl backing away from said television in non-said horror.

"Kenzie. Kenzie, the TV's swirling," she said, still backing away from the TV.

"Jenna, this isn't one of your crazy fanfictions where you get sucked into a swirling, colourful vortex into another dimension, or, perhaps more accurately, the world of the anime you're currently in love with," Mackenzie said, describing the beginning of just about every single story her friend had written.

"I mean… what the HELL?" Mackenzie was distracted by the TV. A swirling, colourful vortex had emerged from the center of it and was steadily increasing in size.

HO – LY. CR – AP…I'm so cure! SO SURE!" Mackenzie had jumped up and started yelling at the otherworldly portal while Jenna had fallen back onto the couch. When the vortex had taken up the entire TV and TV stand, Mackenzie yelling at it the whole while, it stopped growing.

It just sat there and swirled.

"Well, there's a silver lining to this; at least it's not sucking us in," Mackenzie had ventured closer. She considered poking it.

"Silver lining! SILVER LINING?! There is a frigging weird swirly thing in place of my TV and you say there's a SILVER LINING?!" Jenna seemed to have bypassed shock and skipped right over to hysterics.

"Yeah… I guess you're right," Mackenzie scratched the back of her neck and glanced back at the vortex. "I mean, if only it came with a remote, yeah? THEN I bet we could have some fun," Mackenzie laughed. She continued even as the shorter girl tried to beat her senseless. For the next few minutes, this was the itinerary, as the vortex was doing nothing weird. Er… I suppose 'new' would be a more appropriate term, seeing how vortexes are weird just being themselves. What with the relative calm, and yes, constant bickering is relative calm to these two [**Ke: What? Arguing is ****fun**, Jenna shrieked when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she looked to see whom it belonged to she shrieked again.

"Hello ladies. Orochimaru asked me to collect you," Kabuto smiled, keeping an iron grip on Jenna's shoulder.

"Wha? Orochimaru…!?" Jenna stared in shock. "Hell no! We'll never go with you!" she struggled to remove Kabuto's hand. "Let go! We're not going! Right Kenzie?" She looked over at her friend – "Oh no" – and almost cried at the sight of her love filled eyes.

"KABUTO!!!!!!!" Mackenzie screamed and tackled him to the floor, hugging him. "I love you! Ahh!!" She squeezed the bespectacled baddie **[Ke: LOLZ thatz mah new fave phraze… 'bespectacled baddie'… LOLZ. O, & btw I never uzully type lyk this… mah luv fer Kabuto is makin me b weird lolz**.

"Well, there's one," Kabuto fixed his glasses and attempted to get Mackenzie off of him and he to his feet. Note: _attempted_.

"Now if your friend…" Kabuto set Mackenzie on her feet and followed suit, dusting himself off.

"Wha? NO! I'm not as idiotic as she is, I won't go with you!" Jenna exclaimed, apparently forgetting her boy craze a few minutes previous.

"Oh, don't be silly Jenna," Mackenzie smiled sweetly.

"Mackenzie! You're insane! Let me go!" Jenna tried to pry her friend's fingers from her arm, but before she could do so…

"Okay, we're ready! Let's go, cutie," Mackenzie beamed up at Kabuto, who linked his arm with hers.

"No! NO! Mackenzie!" Jenna yelled, and actually kind of succeeded in getting loose – but not before they stepped into the swirly vortex thingamabob. When Jenna blinked, the entire Akatsuki was before her eyes.

"Well, that was different than how you write it. You say we fall for a looong time, but we just kind of walked through and… walked through," Mackenzie said, confused.

"AHHHH!" Jenna screamed, clinging to Mackenzie, who was most lovingly clinging to Kabuto who was looking smug.

"Kabuto, you have a fangirl? Wow. Never heard of that, it's usually Itachi," Kabuto looked up in surprise from counting a fat wad of bills.

"You're just jealous, Kakuzu," Itachi said from his position leaning against the wall. Jenna gasped, a movement to cover up a squeak that had started out as a fangirl scream. She actually didn't scream. Everyone, a round of applause for her.

"See?" Kakuzu returned to his money.

"Good work, Kabuto." Mackenzie glanced behind her where a low hiss of a voice had come from.

"Eee! Orochimaru!" she cried, leaping, not away, but on top of the ninja **[AJ: Why did you jump ON TOP of him?!?! AK: Eheehee. .**.

"You stole my fangirl," Kabuto pouted, glaring at Orochimaru, who'd frozen when Mackenzie jumped him. It looked like she was hugging a plank of wood.

"No he didn't. I've just always wanted to do that," Mackenzie got off of the still-frozen Orochimaru.

"Well my business here is finished. I have to leave now, to attend to my other, ah… work," Kabuto announced.

"Very well," Orochimaru waved him off.

"What? Aw…" Mackenzie's face fell when she heard that 'her love' was leaving. As a result her hair turned robin's egg blue.

"WHOA! …coooool!" She examined her new hair with delight.

"Good bye," Kabuto waved to her. "Don't be sad, I'll be back soon… enough, Shapeshifter."

"I'm a Shapeshifter? COOL!" Oh boy, did the Akatsuki ever make Kenzie happy. "No, wait--!" Too late.

Kabuto disappeared, leaving only a trace of smoke where he'd been standing moments before.

"Aw man! He did that ninja poofy thing! Dammit!" Kenzie's hair reverted back to its natural blonde state.

"Oh, hey, where's Jenna?" she blinked, looking around at the room of Akatsuki.

'_How can she be so cheerful in a room of us… the Akatsuki…?'_ That's what was running through every Akatsuki member's mind. Well, except for Zetsu.

"Eat her, eat her, she looks so yummy!" A low, dark voice belonging to Zetsu cooed.

"NO! DON'T EAT HER, DON'T EAT HER!" A substantially higher voice, also belonging to Zetsu, argued with himself.

"AHHHH! Kenzie, HELP ME!" Jenna yelled. She was trapped in a corner; she couldn't escape for Zetsu's body was in the way.

"Thanks for not letting her run away, Zetsu," Kenzie strolled up and pulled Jenna away from the bipolar plant man. Meanwhile, Zetsu continued to argue with himself. The two girls proceeded to walk to the middle of the room. A good while passed with everyone staring at them. Save for Zetsu.

"Well, now what?" Kenzie's voice was loud in the semi-quiet room.

"Kenzie, look ou-!" Jenna tried to push her friend out if the way but she wasn't quick enough.

BONK! Well now. Orochimaru seemed to have found an actual plank of wood somewhere. A two-by-four, to be exact. Oh, the cruel irony. Jenna started when she realized **she** was Orochimaru's next target.

"AHH! What's with you, you freak?!" Jenna screamed as she ducked a wild swing.

"Ow ow! Look at Orochimaru go, he's a real lady killer!" Kakuzu wolf whistled. "…That is, literally," he grinned.

Even though Jenna was doing so well dodging these maniacal two-by-four attacks, eventually she was bonked in the head too. Shall we call him Henry? Yes, that's a fine name. Henry the two-by-four.

Orochimaru panted and his eyes lost their madman glint when the brunette collapsed.

"Oh, FINALLY. Women never shut up, do they?" Orochimaru fell back onto a couch. "Move over, Tobi," he grunted, the smaller masked ninja shuffled over.

"What are you talking about? It was your idea to bring them here," Itachi said, annoyed.

"I'm beginning to regret it already," the snake man grumbled.

"Oh, all of you. Just find them somewhere to rest, and Zetsu, would you and your other self KNOCK IT OFF!" Pein ordered, quite irritated with his comrades' actions.

Zetsu promptly shut up, the conflict resuming in his mind. Itachi picked up Kenzie and Kisame picked up Jenna. Don't worry – if you even did-, they both [meaning Kenzie and Jenna were to be put into futons, although Kenzie would be extremely pissed upon learning that an Uchiha had touched her.

And Orochimaru and Henry the two-by-four were bestest friends from the day on. BFFs. The works. Yayzers.

**AK: Aaaaaaaannnnnnndddd that is the END of chapter one, nya! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy! I'll have a new chapter up soon, nya! So will some of you people who read this [if anyone even did… I wouldn't be surprised if NO ONE read it PRETTY PLEASE review, nya? Chappy Two has TONS of laughs, nya! And this isn't good, nya.:( I fear I'm starting to fall in love with the entire male cast of **_**Naruto**_**, nya! NOOOOOOOOO!!! NYA!! I don't wanna end up like THAT, nya! –jabs finger at co-author-**

**AJ: Huh? –nose bleeding from staring at picture of Kiba shirtless-**

**AK: Rrrgghh, give me that, nya! –grabs picture-**

**AJ: NOOoOOOoooOoOoOo! MAH LOVE!**

**AK: But yes, so far I'm in/falling in love with Neji, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru—**

**AJ: HA! SHIKAMARU! HA!**

**AK: Shut up! Kakashi –swoon-, Iruka –gasp!-, Zetsu! –wtf-, Deidara –eheehee-, Tobi –yay!-, Kabuto –nosebleed-, Sasori -:D-, Kankurou! -;)-, Kisame –lovelovelovelove-, OROCHIMARU –WAHAHAHAHAHA- and that's all for now, nya. Though I don't doubt that I'll fall in love with more as time passes, nya. My main problem with the regular, good guy cast is that most of them are like 12 years old and 4' 8"-5' 4", nya….SIGH. So that leaves me to go with people who are evil/4-20 years older than me, nya! ZOMG! Aaaahhhhhh… -falls into a deep dark hole-**

**AJ: -looks into hole- Um, well, please review. I'll probably be writing in a few chapters time… and please keep reading and reviewing… We'll have about 1-2 more chapters to, um, well I guess to get some writing junk out of Kenzie's system –looks into hole again-, and then the entire idea that made this story form in her insanely strange mind will actually take place… and I can't believe she actually likes Orochimaru… dear GOD… something's wrong with her… -walks away from hole-**

**AK: -faintly- Jeeeeeeennnnnnnaaaaaaaaa… Did you tell them to reviiieeww, nyaaa?**


	2. Invasion of the BLUSHES!

**AKenzie: HELLO, NYA.:D Guess WHAT. I had ONE reviewer, nya. ONE. …Do you not have any SHAME, people? But as for my ONE reviewer, musicamode, I love you, nya.-heart- And I dedicate this chapter to you, musicamode, which has PLENTY of Kisame in it, nya. Aside from this giant disappointment and love, I've bought a bass music book at The Gear Box, nya… yes, my local music store, nya. As in, musical INSTRUMENTS, nya. I've been playing my bass non-stop, nya. OH. I have some fun for you, nya. My bass' name is Tiburon, and he's BLUE.-heart- Now, go on a Spanish-English translator, or if you know Spanish, woohoo. BUT. Translate it, it's Spanish, then tell me what it means in a review, nya. If you get it right then I'll let you submit ideas for chappys, nya! **

**Well, now, read on, nya!**

**AJenna: I didn't get to say anything…**

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It was a beautiful morning.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all the forest critters were out and about, scurrying about their cheerful way. The trees rustled pleasantly and the flowers danced in the soft breeze. It was a picture of storybook perfection, it was a sugar-infused view stuffed with merriness, it was-

"MY **GOD**, YOU **STUPID** ANIMALS! CAN'T YOU SHUT UP FOR **FIVE. FRAKING. MINUTES?!**" Kenzie threw open her window and bellowed at the cute-n-cuddly lil animals that were making an exceedingly loud racket.

Kenzie grumbled and fell back onto the bed, pulling the covers over her head. However, instead of hitting her usual nest [don't ask., she collided with wood. [You know, in the nature of Japanese-style futons. But don't worry too much, people – if you even did .. – this wood was in fact a hardwood floor, and this floor was covered with some blankets. Not that that helped much.

"Urgh… What's this…? Ow…" Kenzie slowly sat up, cricking her spine. She blinked. Actually, she appeared to have just awoken from a deep and restful sleep.

Kenzie suffers from a mild form of amnesia. Have patience.

"Where am I…?" Now this was not Kenzie's normal amnesia. She surveyed the unknown room with a look of confusion.

"…Oh, those dumb animals." Kenzie glared at the window, rubbing her head. Being a tragic victim of memory loss and henceforth having forgotten her spaz a few moments previous, she yawned and headed for the door.

Standing there in the doorway she stared groggily at the wall in front of her for a while. She perked up when voices wafted down the long and narrow hallway. Sleepily, she followed them and wound up in a kitchen. Albeit a messy one.

No.

Messy was an understatement.

The sink was overflowing with dirty dishes that spilled onto the surrounding counters, something VILE smelling floated from the open fridge, remnants of breakfast lay scattered on the table, food from Jashin-knows-when was molding and decaying on the floor, cupboards, table, garbage, EVERYWHERE.

Kenzie took a step back, gagging and covering her nose with her arm, shielding herself [poorly from the stench. As she did so, she bumped into someone.

Green eyes wide with surprise she turned around to find out who it was. All she saw was a black cloak with read red clouds on it. So she looked UP.

A very tired Kisame was rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Kenzie was still staring up at him, her sleeve still covering her nose and mouth.

Now, Kisame was tired. Tobi had been jumping around the house all night, knocking over furniture, yelling his head off, chasing DEIDARA. And, of course, when chased by Tobi, as he naturally does, Deidara runs to Sasori. Deidara hasn't been able to do so for a long time, seeing how Sasori has been dead and all, but now he was back, and… well, it'll take much delving into metaphysics and laws of motion and such to explain exactly how Sasori came back. So let's just leave it at Kisame was pretty FUCKING tired.

And now it was morning. And Itachi had most kindly given Kisame a wake up call by kicking him in the ribs. While he'd had been groaning on the ground [Itachi had actually booted Kisame OUT of his bed, that's how hard he kicked him, Itachi had up and left him there to get food before his partner could.

Don't you love teamwork?

Well back to the present, Kisame was pretty hungry, so as soon as he'd rubbed the sleep from his eyes he took a step forward. And ran into something.

"Oof!"

He looked down in surprise at the noise. When he did so he locked eyes with a girl who'd been forced to stumble backwards. Yellow and green stared at each other. And stared. And stared.

…_Argh! Who-Who is this again? She's the girl Itachi carried… what was her name?! ARGH! _Kisame's thoughts flew around his head. This was no good. Kisame could barely even walk straight after he woke up, let alone try to _remember _something.

"Uh, good morning. I'm Hoshigaki Kisame. Pleased to meet you, and hope to get to know you." Kisame bent at about a forty-five degree angle, giving the forgotten-name girl a soooper-polite bow.

"Uhhh…" Kenzie really didn't know how to respond to this big blue guy who was about seven inches taller than her and who'd she run into twice [K: Well, technically, once. bowing to her.

"Um, I-I'm Mackenzie Bishop. Just call me Kenzie," she bowed super-politely too, not quite sure what was going on.

_Mackenzie! _Now _I remember. Okay. Okay. Now: food._ Kisame walked into the kitchen and ran back out, almost knocking into Kenzie again.

"Yeah, I know," Kenzie commented on both the stench and the disgust on Kisame's face, which he was currently hiding behind his cloak sleeve.

Kisame just coughed.

"…Is it ALWAYS like that?" she asked him. Kisame looked at her and said nothing.

"You've got to be kidding me," Kenzie's mouth hung open disbelievingly. She could tell the answer from the older man's silence and eyes.

"You mean it ALWAYS smells like a rotting corpse in there?" Kenzie indicated at the apocalyptic scene in the kitchen.

"Erm… well, it's usually not THIS bad. It looks like Kabuto skipped his turn last week, the bastard…" Kisame scratched the back of his neck. His face was flushed too; as if this situation wasn't bad enough already, now his face was turning purple.

"But, wait… I'm really hungry. But I can't go in there." Kenzie glanced into the kitchen and her stomach churned at the sight. She and Kisame looked at each other desperately, hoping they didn't have to do it.

"We-we gotta clean, don't we?" Kenzie sighed in despair. Kisame groaned. They looked back at the disaster, praying for it to disappear. If Hidan's god could make it go away they'd convert in a heartbeat.

"Well, I've, um, business to attend elsewhere," Kisame said hurriedly.

"Hey! You can't just leave me to tackle this sea of decay by myself!" Kenzie grabbed the neck of Kisame's cloak when he turned around to run away. They were interrupted by an unbelievably loud grumble issuing from Kisame's stomach. Kisame's face flushed purple. His stomach growled again. Kenzie grinned.

"Ha! YOU'RE hungry too! Now you HAVE to help me clean," Kenzie declared happily, dragging Kisame backwards into the kitchen. They both ran out.

"Okay, that was stupid," Kenzie said, coughing, as Kisame gagged. "Clearly we need a battle plan."

Kisame looked at her. "Battle plan?"

"Heck YES! Can't you see? That kitchen is a WAR ZONE!" Kisame just looked. "Okay, well, first… pull your shirt or whatever, your cloaky thing, over your nose. Maybe that'll help. In theory. Maybe. Then, um, I'll wash the dishes and you, uh, take that moldy stuff outside. Or maybe Zetsu'll eat it. In theory. Perhaps. Hrm…" Kenzie thought hard, her yellow t-shirt pulled up over her face.

"You seem to spend a lot of your thought process theorizing," Kisame stated. His cloak collar was pulled against his face and over his nose.

"Of course," Kenzie headed for the spilling sink.

"And why do **I** have to take the moldy stuff?!"

"Just because!!"

And so the Sooper-Dooper Cleaning Duo began their noble work. It wasn't all that sooper though, because Kenzie discovered the drain was clogged, and not so dooper because Kisame ran outside and hurled after a moldy food item _ran away_ from him.

"W-What WAS that?!" Kisame came back inside, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"I think it's a crab. UNCOOKED." Kenzie was holding the wriggling mold gingerly with two fingers and examining it with a mixture of fascination and disgust.

"CRAB? A **CRAB**?!" Kisame shrieked hysterically.

"Here, give it to Zetsu later," Kenzie tossed the mold at Kisame, who jumped away.

"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AT ME?!" Kisame yelled. Sure, he was calm and polite; when decaying undead crabs weren't being chucked at him.

"What's your problem? Just think of it as your cousin!"

"COUSIN?? SHARKS AND CRABS AREN'T EVEN CATEGORIZED TOGETHER!"  
"Oh, you're a shark, Fish Boy-kun?"

"Kisame."

"I thought you were a piranha or something vicious like that, Fish Boy-kun."

"My name's Kisame! And sharks ARE vicious! AND PIRAHNAS STILL AREN'T RELATED TO CRABS!"  
"Okay, okay! Jeez! Getting into all the little technicalities now, aren't we?" Kenzie crawled back under the sink, working on the pipes. Her white long sleeved shirt underneath her yellow t-shirt was rolled up past her elbows. Kisame begrudgingly picked up the crab with his sleeve and trapped it under a cup on the table.

"Hey, get over here and help me with the dishes, Fish Boy-kun," Kenzie slid out from underneath the sink and started to pile up dishes.

"You told me to-" Kisame started.

"I know what I said, Kisame-kun. Just get over here and help me with the dishes," Kenzie turned the tap on. "Besides, it's water."

"What does that have anything to do with me…?" Kisame asked. Kenzie looked up at him. Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you're a shark, right?" They kept looking.

"Well, not really, but I guess yeah…" Kisame was confused. They continued to stare at each other.

"Oh, never mind," Kenzie turned off the tap and poured in dish soap. When she turned back Kisame was next to her. Kenzie pointed at his arms.

"Aren't you gonna take off your cloak? It'll get all wet." Kisame looked at the loose, baggy sleeves.

"Um, I guess you're right…" He popped open the buttons and shrugged his cloak off, revealing muscled, pale blue arms. He threw it over the back of a nearby chair. When he turned around he saw Kenzie had already plunged her hands into the hot, soapy water.

Kisame looked for a washcloth, found one, grabbed it and a plate with something crusty on it, dropped it in the water and scrubbed.

"You're gonna break dishes is you just drop them in like that, Kisame," Kenzie commented. Kisame didn't answer.

"Can I ask you something Kisame?" Kisame glanced over and saw that he couldn't see the younger girl's face. It was fully concentrated on the sink.

_She keeps changing my name! Maybe I'll just call her crab girl-chan…Nah. I'll just end up freaking out again. I just _know _it._

"Sure you can, Kenzie," he said, one eye narrowing in frustration at a particularly crusty spot on his plate.

"Is you hair always that cute and so all over?" That sink was Kenzie's universe right now. Kisame blushed an intense violet and looked at his reflection in a nearby pot.

"AUGH!!" His dark blue hair was all squished on one side and the other side was going haywire, tufts of hair sticking out in every single angle imaginable.

He rushed to fix it so it stuck straight up and forwards with his wet hands. Kenzie laughed when he splashed soap in his eye. [**Ke:** Fish Boy-kun's not having a very good morning, is he? Awww… **Ki:** My name's not Fish Boy-kun! **Ke:** AUGH!

"Well, well, you two make a cute couple."

Kisame and Kenzie jumped and spun around, blushing violet and scarlet.

Hidan had settled himself down at the table and was smirking at them with his chin in his hand, rather amused at their reactions.

"Hey, something seems different about this place," Hidan perked up, looking around at the clean kitchen with bright eyes. [**AKe:** Don't ask me how it got clean, it just DID. Actually, the Cleaning Faerie came and helped out our dysfunctional… err, peoples. Yayzers! Miss Cleaning Faerie-sama, please come to my house! **CF:** Don't be so familiar with me, bitch! –shoots bolt of lightning- **AKe:** WAAAAAH! JENNA! –runs-

"That's because we cleaned your pigsty, fool!" Kenzie spat out angrily, her blush receding. Kisame had turned away from Hidan, who was smirking perversely at him.

"Oh… can you make me some chocolate chip banana pancakes?" Hidan asked cheerily. "Praying really works up an appetite."

"Go make your own damn pancakes! I'm no housewife!" Kenzie yelled at Hidan. Ooh, she was angry now. Her fists were clenched at her sides, she was using all her willpower not to kill Hidan. Not that that's even possible, seeing how the bastard is immortal.

"You shouldn't be so rude to someone you haven't even been introduced to yet-"

"Same goes for you, bud-"

"-But I must say that you'd make a cute housewife. Especially if you were Kisame's." Hidan winked.

I can say this truthfully from a scientific stance that all of the blood in Kenzie's body then rushed to her face as she stared at the ground in embarrassment.

"Hidan-san! Go away! Get out! That's enough!" Kisame spun around and glared at the white-haired man. Hidan had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at the intense shade of purple Kisame's face was.

"Alright, alright," Hidan rose from his seat, the chuckle evident in his voice, "but you know, Kisame, I haven't seen you without your cloak for years. She must be something if you took it off," Hidan scanned Kisame in his black muscle shirt and purple face, and Kisame loathed how gleeful he was.

_Oohoohoo! Time to get out of here before Kisame kills me. Oh, but wait, I can't die…Ah well. Might as well just get out of here before they _attempt_ to kill me. Heehee, they're gonna break blood vessels if they don't stop blushing! This is going to be fun! I'll have to thank Orochimaru for bringing those girls here… and I'll have to tell Dei and Pein-baka about this…they'll just LOVE it. Heehee…_ Hidan ran down the hallway, half skipping as he went.

Once the mischievous man had left, all that was left was silence. Oh, and the occasional _thwump_ from the crab Kisame had trapped on the table and everyone had forgotten about.

"D-Don't mind Hidan-san. H-He's an idiot," Kisame stuttered.

"Is that true?" Kenzie mumbled, still staring at the floor like it was her life's vocation to do so.

"Mwuh?" Kisame's voice came out all muffled as a result of him trying to hide his blush with his hand.

"That you haven't taken off your cloak in years?" Kenzie glanced up and saw Kisame's purple face. She went back to her current love interest, the floor – or that's what it seemed like – and smiled.

"Um, w-well, Hidan-san doesn't see me very much. And-And, w-well, I didn't want it to get wet, so, so, um-" Kisame tried to make an excuse to cover his stutter when a herd of people suddenly stampeded to the kitchen.

"Hey! We heard there were chocolate chip banana pancakes in here!" Sasori slammed open the sliding door. He paused and evaluated the situation before him, then grinned evilly.

"Hey! Hey! Sasori Danna! I want some pancakes too, yeah!" Deidara squeezed between the wall and Sasori's body. He too ended up staring.

"Tobi wants some pancakes! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi jumped up and down behind Sasori but when he saw Kisame he crawled onto Sasori's back, interested, forcing Sasori to lean forwards.

"Orochimaru! Put your stupid tongue back in your stupid mouth! You can't just grab pancakes with your tongue! Ew!" A long tongue crept it way into the kitchen, sneaking beneath Sasori's legs. "If you don't do what I just told you you'll be pancake-less for the next seventy-two hours while you watch ME eat mounds and mounds of them!"

"Gack!" Itachi and Orochimaru fell on the ground between and beneath the puppet master's legs; Itachi trying to clamp Orochimaru's mouth shut and make him look into his eyes at the same time. They stopped exactly how they were when they looked into the kitchen, Orochimaru's hands around Itachi's neck and his tongue wrapped his hand, whereas Itachi was trying to uncurl his tongue.

"Get out of my way!" Pein yelled.

"Get out of **my** way or I'll eat you instead of the pancakes!" Zetsu growled. While Zetsu was trying to bite Pein they were distracted by the kitchen scene and popped up on either side of Sasori to check it out; Zetsu on his left and Pein on his right.

"What's going on? Hey? Hey! …Fine!" Kakuzu jumped around, unable to see anything behind everyone. That is, until his money-centred brain decided he should weasel in between the other side of Sasori and the door. Once he got there, he followed the crowd and stared.

"Oh, hey guys. I see you've found the pancakes," Hidan's voice came from behind the bizarre game of impromptu Akatsuki Twister.

All nine men who'd run in expecting pancakes and found the two in front of the sink stared, and then broke into identical mischievous, perverted smirks. [As for Orochimaru and Tobi, well, Orochimaru smirked as well as one can when their tongue is wrapped around someone hand and Tobi… um… he's wearing a mask so NO ONE knows! Haha!

Kenzie was hiding behind Kisame, clinging onto him. Both of their faces still has slight traces of colour, Kisame more so than Kenzie. Kisame was trying to shield her from the questioning and assuming stares of the Akatsuki. Someone wolf whistled and [AGAIN they blushed. Low chuckles came as a result of this and continued until Kisame spoke.

"G-Guys! I-It's not what it looks like!" Kisame blurted out in a meek attempt to defend himself.

"Oh? Well what DOES it look like, yeah?" Deidara asked, grinning like a madman.

"U-Uhm-Ah…" Kisame couldn't form words.

"Urgh… get off…" Sasori grunted. All these people on top, around and under him were making him lose balance.

"Kisame! Kisame! Tobi wants to know! Does Kisame have a girlfriend?" Tobi asked innocently from Sasori's back.

"Urk!" Kisame went rigid as nine suggestive pairs of eyes fixated on him.

"Yeah Kisame. We want to know that too," Hidan laid his head on top of Tobi's his eyes sparkling.

"Ah, n-no Tobi, I d-don't –"

"AUUGGHH!!" Sasori gave a final yell before he tumbled to the floor, along with everyone else.

"AGH! Ow, ow!"

"Geouff! Geouff!" Everyone ha landed on Itachi and Orochimaru.

"Sasori! Get your ass OFF my head!" Sasori had landed right on Itachi. Orochimaru was barely distinguishable in the sea of legs and bodies he was slowly drowning in.

After several long minutes everyone was sorted out.

"Teach you not to use that damn tongue of yours," Itachi growled and wiped his hand on his pants. Orochimaru simply stuck his tongue back out at him.

"Hey, guys… Where'd they go?" Kakuzu asked out of the blue. Everyone looked around. They smiled evilly when they noted the absence of Kenzie and Kisame.

"I think we have a new mission," Pein grinned.

Thank… God.. we… got… out… of…. There…" Kenzie puffed as she and Kisame leaned against a tree. As soon as the Leaning Tower of Akatsuki had fallen, Kisame had poofed both outside the hideout. They then started run like they were being chased by Satan and didn't stop until they were wheezing worse than a cat with a hairball.

Kisame just nodded and put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

Well, there was one good thing that came out of this. Neither Kenzie nor Kisame had to explain to the Akatsuki there were no pancakes and/or actually make some.

**AKenzie: …What? I'm done typing this up, nya? FINALLY? …Wow. Aw man, now I have to start writing the next chappy, nya. xx -dies from homework overload and everything else she has to do, including write more now- But yes, I hope someone reviews this, nya. BESIDES musicamode, of course, nya. She gets a hug for being the first reviwer, nya! –HUG-**

**AJenna: Do I get to say something now?**

**AKenzie: No! Go back in the corner, nya! –kicks AJenna-**

**AJenna: Ow! Hey! I'll you for that!**

**AKenzie: No y'won't, nya!**

**Itachi: What's going on?**

**AKenzie: DEVIL!**

**AJenna: -fangirl scream-**

**Itachi: …-sigh- Leader?**

**Pein: Yeah, Itachi?**

**Itachi: Where's Orochimaru? I need to kill him.**

**Pein: …Um, why?**

**Itachi: Because he's an idiot for bringing these two here. I mean, we're grown men! Who wants to play such a childish game as --! …Um, what are you doing?**

**AKenzie: o.o –staring-**

**Itachi: …**

**AKenzie: Keep going, keep going, nya. We need plot details here, nya!**

**Itachi: …You know what? Everybody, just review. The sooner you do, she might actually get off my back.**

**AKenzie: Hey. Keep talking, nya.**

**Itachi: …Review.**

**AKenzie: WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, NYA?!**


	3. I Wanna Go Back to Bed

**Hi. Um. ...ThexxMoonxxHides has informed me that I haven't updated for a year...**

**HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?! OO**

**Hm... I lose track of time easily, but don't worry! I've been writing, just not typing! ; Now, I should probably write more of OA before the rabid readers quarter me... ;**

**Disclaimer: First one? Haha. It's fairly self-explanatory, which is why I don't remember to put them. ;**

* * *

Kisame and Kenzie were both panting from their long run. The moment Kisame had poofed them outside the hideout they began to run. Kenzie slid down the tree trunk into a sitting position and glanced over at Kisame, who was still leaning against the tree and holding his knees.

"Are... Are they going to come... come after us soon?" Kenzie panted. Kisame shook his head without looking up.

"No... they were all tangled up when we left, and most of them can barely stand being with their partner, let alone all of us." When he said this Kisame immediately thought of Zetsu and Tobi, Tobi and Deidara, Deidara and Sasori, and Kakuzu and Hidan. He had to restrain himself from slapping his palm against his face once he realized that most of the Akatsuki hated their partners. He got along with mostly everybody (he and Hidan had their occasional spats, as demonstrated earlier), but the others weren't quite so easygoing.

"Oh, okay, good," Kenzie said. She was still breathing heavily and Kisame remembered she wasn't a **ninja**.

"Uh, are you okay? You're breathing really heavily..." Kisame asked.

"Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. It's just that I haven't run for my life from psychotic criminals so hard in a long time, eh?" was the cheeky response he got.

"Um... sorry?"

"It's okay. At least I had help from one of those psychotic criminals during my escape," Kenzie looked at Kisame out of the corner of her eye when she said this, praying she wasn't signing her death contract.

He said nothing. Both lapsed into a somewhat awkward silence. Kisame leaned against a tree and Kenzie had her knees brought to her forehead, her hands clasped in together on top of her head, still regaining her breath. Suddenly, Kisame cleared his throat and caused Kenzie to look at him

"Uh..." _CRAP._ He couldn't think of anything to say.

Kenzie's head was buried again. He started to pick blades of grass in an attempt to hide his embarrassed face.

Her voice carried through the air to his ears: "Well."

He looked up, having composed himself. She grinned, "This is pleasantly awkward."

"Heh." He looked her in the eyes, trying to regain his manly pride **(A: Oh MAN, have I got stories of THOSE...)** by showing he wasn't afraid/shy/whatever he was earlier that made him look like an incompetent oaf.

"Can I ask a question?" He nodded. "Why do you guys even want us here?"

He scratched the back of his neck, unsure of how to phrase his explanation. "Well... you're here mainly because Orochimaru approached us with a deal." He stopped when he saw Kenzie's wide eyes. "Don't worry, he just said that if we agreed to co-perated he'd let us join in on the results--" Kisame immediately clamped his mouth shut when Kenzie's WTF-did-you-just-say?! leaped out and smacked his intelligence across the face.

"Results?! Results of what?!" Her words avalanched out of her mouth in a frantic rush; so much was rendered incoherent that all Kisame had heard was, 'Results?!'. After that he'd decided that, for the sake of the Alatuki and his life, he would leave the information stream at that.

However, Kenzie was still in panic mode. "What are you talking about? Is Orochimaru going to experiment on us? Some kind of freaky curse-mark-jutsu crap? Or like, OTHER experiments, like terrible crap? ...Why did you just suddenly shut up??" Kenzie had run up to him and tugged the front of Kisame's black muscle shirt in a desperate attempt for answers. His fighting/half-shark instincts kicked in and he aggresively grabbed her hands and growled. **(A: XD The grabbing must be ninja training, as sharks can't really grab stuff... except maybe if they bit it. e.o)**

Through gritted teeth he managed to say, "Kenzie, please stop. My, My head hurts." 'Mainly from lack of slee due to Tobi," was what he failed to say.

Eyes wide she stuttered out, "O-Okay," in fright. Suddenly, he bit her lip in what was a clear wince. "Um, Kisame, do you think you could, ah, let go of my hands? And, um, wrist? It kind of hurts..." She cringed from the pressure on her left wrist and right hand. Kisame only just realized he was clenching his fists and immediately dropped his hands.

"Kenzie, I'm sorry, it was totally instinctual, and... listen, I really didn't mean to hurt you, I just..." he apologized profusely, truly sorry for accidentally crushing her hands.

"It's-It's okay," she lied, rubbing her wrists.

"No really, I'm _so_ sorry I did that, I didn't even noticed how hard I was squeezing," he apologized (AGAIN). Kenzie merely sat back against the tree.

"Haha, you're really funny when you spaz out," she laughed. Whenever she'd previously seen Kisame in the Naruto manga or anime he'd either been boasting, taunting, or politely talking to Itachi. Seeing him freaking out was something new to her. "But do you think you could calm down, and please stop apologizing? It's not that I--it's just that--when other people get wound up I get wound up, and when people apologize to me a lot I start getting flustered and... it just gets really messy," she explained nervously and, quite frankly, failed at it.

"Oh... sure," Kisame also leaned back against the tree **(A: The tree is loveeeeeedd.:)**, still a tiny bit concerned **(Ki: Not much. A: Suuuurrree... Ki: What's that supposed to mean? A: Not much. -smirk-)**. However, he felt eyes on him, and he naturally looked in the direction he sensed it was coming from; his eyes quickly met Kenzie's.

"Is there... anything you need?" he inquired about Kenzie's blatant staring.

"You still feel bad about murdering my hand, don't you?" Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"Sort of, but you're the one who told me to stop apologizing--"

"Well I just thought of a way you can pay me back," Kenzie beamed at her brilliant idea she had yet o reveal. Kisame patiently waited for her to tell him. A hew moments later she snapped out of her reverie.

"Sorry, I'm really tired and my head hurts from Orochimaru knocking me out," she apologized meekly, "but that's where you come in," she pointed at Kisame.

Intrigued, he asked, "How so?"

"As I said, I'm tired. Therefore, you are now my pillow.

"Say what?"

"Um, yeah, it's kind of weird, but... yeah. Please don't argue," she repeated, slightly embarassed to be asking one of the strongest and toughest Akatsuki to be her god-freaking _pillow_. ...Was she friggin' high??

"Uh... okay, I guess..." All Kisame could think was, 'Wow, she's _really_ unpredictable.'

So that was how Kenzie ended up resting her head on Kisame's shoulder, her eyes closed and chest softly riding and falling with gently, sleep-filled breaths. On Kisame's part, that was how he ended up closing his eyes and trying to control the amount of blood rushing up to his face.

Together, that was how they dug their own graves.

* * *

Jenna woke up to voices coming through the wall. Blearily, she dragged herself off the bed and out of a room she didn't recognize, into the room containing the voices. Upon entering she noticed it was filled with cloaked men; she tilted her head and asked in a slurred voice, "Who are you?"

"Hm? Oh, the other one is awake," Sasori stated monotonously.

"The other--OH MY GOD!" Memories of the previous night flashed through Jenna's mind, brutally waking her mind up and kicking her into full panic mode, 'Oh my God... Oh my God... Clam down, it's just a OH MY FUCKING GOD!!' Clearly, her mental attempts at calming herself were failing.

Terribly.

Hidan half-smirked at her reaction, and with his arms across his barely-covered chest he said, "A least this one knows how to react properly. That other chick, whatever her name, didn't seem to give a damn that we could've easily killed her for that pancake prank." **(Ke: I did nothing! I'm innocent! T.T)**

"Wh-Where is Kenzie?! You didn't fed her to Zetsu or anything, did you?!" Jenna frantically scanned the room, looking for her apparently-unfavoured-by-the-Akatsuki friend.

"Relax, hmm. She and Kisame went off somewhere a while ago after we... let's say, razzled her, a bit, hmm. You should have seen how red her face was, hmm!"

At the thought of Kenzie's red face, everyone (excluding Itachi since he has no facial expressions, and Sasori let a huge grin steal his face) burst out laughing.

"Where exactly did they go, though?" Jenna asked feeling a bit more comfortable around the S-rank criminals. Thy all exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders. Sighing in depression she mumbled, "Do you by any chance know what they were going to do at this unknown location?"

Again, no one had a clue as to why they'd left **(Ke: -.- Not THAT hard to figure out)**. Kakuzu, however, thought of earlier and grinned wickedly under his mask, saying, "Maybe they went somewhere to be 'alone', if you catch my drift."

Everyone, including Jenna, snickered at the idea.

"They're probably stripping each other's clothes off right now. In fact--! I bet he's already got her shirt off!" Hidan added, really making the though vivid in everyone's mind.

At the word 'bet' Kakuzu pulled out his score book announcing, "I bet fifty bucks that that's actually happened. Anyone else care to chip in?"

* * *

Kisame's head had dropped onto Kenzie's. She was peacefully sleeping, finally comfortable and VERY warm, she was dreaming about—Kisame mumbled something in his sleep and fell sideways, losing the support of the tree trunk. With his support-loss, Kenzie also suffered loss of support. She crashed onto his chest, where both continued to sleep.

* * *

Hidan, black Zetsu and Deidara put in fifty of their own, agreeing with Kakuzu. Jenna had no mone, but she agreed with Kakuzu and wanted to join. Upon learning this, the guys let the rules bend: instead of fifty dollars at stake, Jenna now had 25 hours of servitude in the pot (2 per hour). Itachi, white Zetsu, Sasori Pein, Konan, Tobi and orochimaru put in fifty saying that would happen; this was **Kisame **they were talking about.

"Wait, how would we know if they actually did anything?" Sasori inquired out of the blue. The rest of the bet participants wondered the same thing.

Itachi discovered the solution.

He smiled deviously as he vanished and then reappeared behind Jenna. Placing both hands on her shoulders he declared, "I believe sending a sneaky little mouse would work fine, don't you?"

'I'm not a mouse," she muttered irritably. She was actually restraining herself from trying to slink away because he was touching her.

"You're right, you're actually a rat!" Hidan chuckled, his amusement spreading to some of the others, making them chuckle too.

"Fine, I'll go get my idiot of a friend," Jenna grumbled. In order to leave she had to pry Itachi's hands from her shoulders (apparently he wasn't intending on letting go). When she made contact with his hands her heart immediately became lodged in her throat, causing her voice to fail and her ears to pound with her erratic heartbeat. Dropping his hands Jenna scurried out the door in a desperate rush, unknowingly slamming the door behind her.

The Akatsuki looked on in fear as an evil smirk spread across Itachi's face.

**This was originally a monster chapter, so I've split it. And yes, Itachi is ebil. Not eVil, eBil.: Well, I will be typing more, but I'm also going to a music festival and art is my primary worry, so. LET'S ALL HOPE IT WON'T TAKE ANOTHER YEAR! .**

**VE-RY SOON! VE-RY SOON! cheerleader squad U-P-D-A-T-E! WHAT'S THAT SPELL? UPDAAAAATEE!**


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